Let’s talk about the elephant in the room of weddings, the big bad P-word: Prenups.
Mike and I will be signing a prenuptial agreement before we get married this summer. It surprises me to think that even now, in the year 2013, prenups are still a bit (er, a lot) taboo to talk (or write) about. I get the feeling that many people believe that simply talking about prenups is akin to jinxing your marriage. But I think even initiating a discussion on the topic is nothing less than a gesture of love and respect for your partner.
Mike and I decided to create a prenup because in the (very) undesirable event that we do decide to part ways, we want our future-selves to treat each other with the love and respect we currently feel for each other.
Let’s be honest, when you’re in the thick of a divorce sometimes (but, I’d like to add, not always!) things can get ugly. If we ever get divorced we want to have a set of guidelines for how to treat each other and divide up our lives that were drafted at a point in our lives when we were incredibly in love, rather than during a potentially emotionally heated, unstable, and unhappy point in our lives (or in an office surrounded by lawyers).
We have been together for almost a decade, and during that period we have both grown and changed as individuals. So it’s silly to think we won’t continue doing so in the future. We hope the strength of our marriage will be built on our ability to grow together, rather than apart. But no one can know what the future will hold. And so, in a room filled with love instead of lawyers, sipping on wine instead of hurling insults, we drafted our prenup.
I know our prenuptial agreement will likely only be a guideline, since their role under the law changes from country to country. But sometimes it’s the thought that counts. Prenups aren’t presumptuous; they are full of love, if you want them to be.
What do you think? Do you have a prenup? Would you ever get one?
(Already married? It’s not too late, you know: postnuptial agreements do exist!)
Photo of Mike and I during a road trip through Spain last Fall, via Mike and Jess in Malta.